Just because it’s a proverb that doesn’t make it true
![God zaps smart ass kid God zaps smart ass kid](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc6e13ec8-873b-4340-8952-8626bb159df5.heic)
TIMMY EMPTIED THE BARREL of his .75 caliber portable laser/Gatling gun into the Zombie horde. Limbs flew (30 points), blood sprayed (10 points), and heads exploded (200 points and a new life for every 50 heads). Suddenly, the horde thinned and Golgothamesh, a giant Zombie wielding a hammer the size of a mini-van, materialized in their place. Once he killed Golgothamesh, Timmy would move on to level 26 and earn the laser guided RPG launcher with 18-inch titanium bayonet, ten vials of zombie bite antidote, and three new lives.
Just as he’d captured the beast’s forehead in his sight, a shrieking voice carried up from the living room, “Timmy! Have you cleaned your room yet? And don’t forget to set the table for our guests.”
The shot went wild. Golgothamesh’s hammer smashed into his avatar’s skull. Before he’d reached the “save game” station. Timmy’s health meter drained to zero once, twice, five times. All his lives expired. Game over. Back to Level One.
Timmy stormed down the stairs to where his mother was vacuuming the carpet. “Damn it, mom. I was all the way to Level 25.”
Just as Timmy captured the beast’s forehead in his sight, a shrieking voice carried up from the living room, “Timmy! Have you cleaned your room yet? And don’t forget to set the table for our guests.”
His mom switched off the vacuum. “Don’t swear in front of me, son. And you can always go back to level whatever later. Right now, I need you to clean your room and set the table.”
Timothy stomped his foot the way Golgothamesh’s hammer had stomped his skull. “Setting the table’s your job. Not mine. And you wouldn’t dare show the Simpsons my room. I don’t even like the Simpsons. Mr. Simpsons’s clueless and Bart’s an asshole.”
His mother waved the vacuum’s power head in his direction, even though the attachment would be heavier to her than his hammer would be to Golgothamesh. Even though she stood under a painting of peaceful Jesus at prayer, she looked as though she’d do him unchristian violence. “Listen to me, young man. Your father already wants to send you to military school. Keep this up and I won’t talk him out of it.”
The painting of Jesus inspired him. “Doesn’t the Bible say God helps those who help themselves?”
His mother’s face flushed red. Then purple. “All those years in Sunday School and you still don’t know your Bible? That isn’t the Bible. That was Ben Franklin. And if you paid attention, you might know that. Now clean your room before I swear at you.”
The painting of Jesus behind his mother inspired him. “Doesn’t the Bible say God helps those who help themselves?”
Timmy set one foot on the bottom stair, then turned back to his mother. “Well, what does the Bible say about fairness and justice? What kind of God would allow parents to abuse their children like you do?”
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